


as the days grow shorter

by ad_meliora101



Series: the sun dips west [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Grief/Mourning, I have no idea if it is good so please don't be too hard on me, I wrote this in a couple hours, Katara (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Middle Aged Characters, Not Beta Read, Open to Interpretation, Pre-Avatar: Legend of Korra, Romantic Angst, This Is Sad, Unrequited Love, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, very brief cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:40:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ad_meliora101/pseuds/ad_meliora101
Summary: In response to Mai’s sudden death, Zuko abdicates and flees to Ember Island.Katara decides to pay her old friend a visit.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Past Mai/Zuko - Relationship
Series: the sun dips west [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2102622
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	as the days grow shorter

Katara looks up at the puffy clouds in the sky as the gentle winds of Air Temple Island hit her face. 

"Sugar Queen, you shouldn't go,” Toph declares as she taps her foot against a loose stone near the cliff. 

Katara lets out a breath. “Why shouldn’t I go? Aang understands, the kids are grown, and Zuko needs my help.” 

Toph blows her grey-black bangs out of her face. "But did he ask for it?"

The waterbender pushes a curl behind her ear, "Izumi did. Anyway, that doesn't matter. We could all tell he was struggling at the funeral, he shouldn't be all alone." She remembers his piercing gold eyes, sunken into his haggard face. The waxy look of his normally bright skin; how he seemed to be looking past them all, at something far off in the distance. She wraps her arms around herself and states, "I need to be there for him."

There was something in the tone of her voice or the skip of her heart that causes Toph's entire expression to change. The earthbender turns towards Katara and the waterbender for a brief moment felt as if her friend could see her. 

In a hushed whisper, Toph says, "Don't make more of this than what it is."

Katara suddenly feels dizzy and jittery, as if every nerve of her body is on high alert. Her cheeks flush and she tries to calm the rapid beating of her heart. _It's Toph_ , she thinks, _of course she knows. She probably knew before I did._ Her secret, the one she has carried deep in her heart for years has now been exposed.

Instead of anger, she feels relief. As an image of Sokka flashes in Katara's mind, she takes comfort in the fact that she is now seen by someone who understands such a burden and has made a life as they carried it. 

"I know," Katara whispers back. 

* * *

It is her third day on Ember Island when she finds him sitting in the front porch staring at the waves. 

She has just returned from the market, with armfuls of food for the rest of the week. 

Katara watches as he raises a pipe to his lips and sucks in deeply. Something that she cannot quite describe flashes in his eyes as he looks up at her. He parts his lips, allowing a ring of smoke to escape. With their eyes fixed on each other, he raises the pipe to his lips and sucks in again. 

With a wide unblinking gaze, she says, "I didn't know you smoked."

An odd smile appears on Zuko's face as he lets the smoke escape from his lips. "That's because I don't."

* * *

Katara is sitting in lotus position in the shade of the courtyard with Zuko. 

She centers herself and finds that quiet place.

Somehow, she can hear it- _him_ -his blood, his heart. It calls out to her like a song. The gentle lapping of his blood and the strong beat of his heart. It floods her ears, her mind, and her soul. Zuko, the very base of him, the elements that make up him. And suddenly, she is flooded with all the feelings she has hidden for so many years.

The gentle flutter of his eyes in the crystal catacombs. The anguish and shock in her heart as he saved her from Azula's lightning. The gleam in his eyes when he said his vows to Mai in the temple of Caldera. The warmth of his hand when he clasped her hand with Aang's hand on their wedding day. The look of pride on his face when he presented Izumi to them all. It is as if she is drowning in it, in him and she struggles to resist the pull. She wants to call him closer to her, so close that she won’t know which is her blood or his blood, her heart or his heart. So close that- 

The waterbender feels something shaking her, calling her back. 

She opens her eyes and sees _him_. Katara admires his face; the pout of his lips, the slope of his nose, the cut of his cheeks, the wrinkles around his eyes, and the streaks of white in his dark hair. 

“What’s wrong? Where did you go?” he asks gently. 

She looks away from him, “I— I don’t think I can meditate anymore.” 

“Why?”

She settles on his golden eyes, the flecks of brown and yellow in them and breathes. "I'm just tired, okay."

They both know she is lying but he does not push her to answer. 

That is one of the things she ~~loves~~ _likes_ about Zuko. He is like the tide, he knows when to retreat and when not to. 

Later, they sit in the soft light of the porch, drinking warm jasmine tea and listening to the gentle lap of the waves. 

* * *

Under a moonless sky, she awakens to the sound of something breaking. 

She puts on a robe and grabs her waterskin; Katara walks through the dark hallways with a candle, searching for the source of the sound. 

Katara reaches a door and pushes it open. 

The small room is filled with pots, clay, ink, brushes, and scrolls. 

She pauses when her eyes land on Zuko, sitting at a small table fitting broken pieces of a bowl back together with a paste. 

"Hi," she breathes. 

He turns and she almost gasps at the way the soft light hits his face. 

"Hi," he replies.

She sits beside him as he teaches her how to make the paste to fit the broken pieces back together.

"I do this when I can't sleep," he says softly as he continues to fit the pieces together. 

She nods and returns over the next couple of nights to help him complete the process. 

Once completed, they set their bowls on the table in the sitting room and admire them. Katara runs her finger along the gold cracks and smiles. 

"What?" Zuko laughs, confused by her sudden smile. 

She shakes her head, "It's silly but these bowls...they remind me of you. They have been hurt by life but they are put back together, even greater than they were before."

A smile cuts across Zuko's face, "A very long time ago, Uncle said something similar."

* * *

Their hair wisps in the breeze as they sit on the beach with their feet in the sand. 

With a rasp in his voice, he says, "I know it's ridiculous to feel this way. It's pathetic and selfish but I--.” His voice breaks, "She left me." 

Katara touches his warm hand, "Mai did not want to leave you, Zuko."

He pulls his hand away from her and runs his fingers through his hair. "Spirits, I know, Katara!"

She recoils from him and stuffs her toes deeper into the sand. 

Zuko exhales sharply, "I'm sorry. I-I know you are just trying to help me. I'm alone now and I, I just-I don't want to be alone." He covers his face with his hands as sobs wrack through his body. "I can't be alone, Katara."

Katara brings him closer to her and puts his head in her lap. She runs her fingers through his soft hair as he calms. 

"Shh, I'm here, you aren't alone." 

"But you'll leave."

Her heart wants to say: _I don't want to leave. I would stay with you forever if I could._

Instead, she says, "But for right now, I'm here. I'm here with you." 

Katara can’t say how long they stay out there, watching the ocean lap at the shore as she hums an old water tribe tune. 

* * *

In the safety of her room and bed, Katara dreams of Zuko. His bright eyes looking at her with hunger and longing as his calloused hands burn their way across her body. His warm hand tangling in her hair as he pulls her head back to kiss her passionately. Her body underneath his, not knowing where she ended and he began. His hot breath at her ear, whispering how much he loved and adored her. 

When she wakes, she gasps for breath as his touch, taste, and scent felt so real.

She walks down the stairs and finds Zuko sitting on a futon, reading a scroll. 

Completely unaware, Zuko smiles brightly at her. "Do you want to play pai sho?"

Katara stammers, "No...I mean, I- I'm going to go swimming."

Zuko settles back down onto the futon, "Oh, okay. I'll see you later."

Katara all but runs out of the house and into the sea. 

She swims further and further from the shore and finally, she breathes. 

* * *

If anyone asked Katara what sparked it she wouldn't remember, she wouldn't know. 

All she knew, all she felt was her lips and Zuko's brushing softly against each other's. 

His soft cinnamon scent, his warm lips, and hard body against hers. Her heart pounding wildly in her ears. 

She presses herself closer to him and he lets out a soft breath. Katara smiles against his lips and her tongue slips into his mouth, brushing against his tongue. 

She sneaks her hand underneath the opening of his robe, across his warm chest to feel his heartbeat thump against her hand. Then, she angles her hips against his and begins to rock against him. 

Swiftly, Zuko pulls away from her and once she looks into his eyes, she knows. 

* * *

Zuko reaches to put his hand on her shoulder, to offer her some sort of comfort, but stops, placing it back at his side. Gently he says, “Hey, we just lost our heads for a little bit. It’s okay. We didn't let ourselves go too far.” 

She sits with her knees against her chest and her arms wrapped around herself. She looks over at him with hurt eyes, "I didn't."

Zuko furrows his brow, “What?” 

Katara sighs and looks out the window towards the sea. “I didn’t lose my head. I’ve wanted this, wanted you for a long time.” 

“Oh, Katara," Zuko whispers and something in the way he says that breaks her. 

He pushes strands of hair out of his face. “We can’t, we just...it wouldn’t do anyone any good. Our kids, Aang...if anyone found out...” 

She interrupts him, suddenly angry. At him, herself, the world, she doesn't know but a deep anger has sprung out of her. “No, tell me why _you_ don’t want to.” 

“I just-“ he begins. 

“Say it!” Katara hisses. 

He begins to look distressed as she sees a realization flash across his eyes. Hoarsely, he whispers, “It’s not right...you, you _love_ me. And I-“

Spirits, she feels so foolish. So utterly foolish and alone. It took him years but he finally sees it, her love for him and she realizes that she has been alone in it. 

“You what, Zuko?” Katara pleads. 

For a reason she doesn't quite understand, he becomes angry. His face is pinched and his sharp eyes peer into hers.

He growls, "I don’t see the Agni-damned point of it! Of anything! I-I barely feel things and this, this definitely won’t help me.” 

She is silent, tapping her foot against the wooden floor, wracked with embarrassment and shame. 

His broad frame stiffens as he gets up to pace the room. She watches as he seems to be going over everything in his head. In a halting voice, he asks, "Why did you even come here? Did you think that we would, that I would-"

She feels dizzy as tears begin to pool in her eyes. She half-shouts, “No! Zuko, no! Why would you even-" 

He pinches the bridge of his nose and looks away from her. 

Katara lets out a sharp breath as she looks over at his hunched form. In hushed tones, she says, "When did you become so…” 

“Cold?" he suggests as he turns back towards her.

She doesn't reply, choosing to continue to tap her foot against the floor. 

A mournful smile forms on his face as he says, "Well, seeing the one you love turn to ashes can do that to you.” 

* * *

Katara returns to Air Temple Island. She is greeted respectfully by the acolytes but she half-runs away from them, back into her home.

She eats a meal of vegetable dumplings with Aang and Tenzin, nodding along as they discuss the new design for the meditation pavilion. 

Later, she numbly stares into the dying fire in the hearth as she drinks long-cold tea. 

**Author's Note:**

> Ouch, yeah. Sorry everyone. I have no idea why I wrote this instead of sleeping but I just wanted to write a canon-compliant unrequited love story because unrequited love hurts so good. I don't even know if you can even truly call this Zutara, Zuko's feelings are kind of left up in the air. This is a very different take on what we normally see in fics, I hope that isn't off-putting to anyone. I would love to hear people's thoughts in the comments.


End file.
